I murdered the dance floor call the cops
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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