she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
