I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
