i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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