His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
