Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
