Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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