Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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