On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
