I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
