the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
