i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
