I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
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