just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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