so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
