He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
