i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
