i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
