Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(509): View more from Washington

I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?

(1-509): View more from Washington

talent.

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(757): View more from Virginia

if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am

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(251): View more from Alabama

i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once

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(502): View more from Kentucky

Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans

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(716): View more from New York

she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.

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(502): View more from Kentucky

so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done

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(785): View more from Kansas

In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?

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(513): View more from Ohio

It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust

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(217): View more from Illinois

Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch

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