As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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