I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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