I am puke
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
