The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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