i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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