He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
