I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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