sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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