I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
