I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
