and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
