Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Randomize
