Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
