Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
