end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
