i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
