Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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