I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
