I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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