I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i dont even know how to be here
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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