I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
