my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
