time to smoke my breakfast
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize