I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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