This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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