So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
