tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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