Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Randomize
