I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
