OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize