i just sent this text using only my big toe
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
