So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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