Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
