I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
