week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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