i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Randomize
