My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
My vagina is officially offended.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
