my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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