I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Randomize
