Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
