omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
