Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I met the friendliest cop last night
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
