my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
