guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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