Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
