all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
