Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
