dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Drake has all the answers
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
