I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Floor bacon is actually really good
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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