sarcasm needs its own font
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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