it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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