one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
