I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
