HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
