Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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