then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
wow bdsm is so cute
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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