sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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